Approval Is Like A Drug

It is addictive and we instantly develop a need for more

(By; Noli Cerrillo)

Do you believe? That we all exist in this world with the need for relationship?- to have at least somebody in our lives who appreciates us? happy to be with us? and value us?

Like many of the other characteristic, This needs for approval is neither good or bad. Rather than, It is a basic need that is vital for normal relationship. It is only when the need has been cut off or become excessive that it develops a problem.

The wrong idea that one is unacceptable or less important in some way for most part develops in our childhood. The belief that we are incomplete or less in some way can cause us to be overly fixated on winning approval from others in our effort to silence the sense of failings nagging us inside.

Because we need approval so much we can make ourselves excessively sensitive to criticism. We become “Yes Man” or “Yes Girl” since the “No” might bring disapproval. For most, the fear of rejection and blame can also make it hard with authority character such as supervisors, teachers or bosses. Yes, even spouses.

Occasionally, an enormous need for green light, or approval can create an unreasonable compassion for others. This is mostly due to false belief that others are also susceptible to criticism and cold shoulders. Excessive sympathy normally leads to the development of a stiff rule that a person must always be considerate, generous, hypersensitive and charitable. It can also cause a person to act like a “super hero” presumptuously taking responsibility for keeping others happy.

Approval addicts are dependents upon the opinion of others. Recognition from others generates assurance and bolstered accomplishments.

Rejection destroys confidence and harshly interferes with person’s efficiency.

This can cause a person to consider a child’s role towards friends, relatives or children and continually check to see if accord and action meet the approval of others.

The following examples of self-talk typical to someone who seek excessive need for approval.

• If someone important expect me to do something, I should do it.
• Im not doing enough, I should do more
• I dont want them to be angry at me
• It must be my fault
• I cant stand being alone
• im nothing unless somebody loves me
• I need to be understood

If you are going to include other people in your life, you will experience rejection and discontent regularly. At times this is not because you have done something wrong. But because the other person is either thinking rationally or just making you a scapegoat. Something that has nothing to do with you.

The perfectionist belief that value is determined by accomplishments and failures are frequently horrible way of exaggerating the need for confirmation.
This is especially true when you are trying your best effort to live up to be a model of a “Perfect Person.” who is always acceptable, levelheaded and considerate. 

When this happens, rejection is seen as failure. This sense of failing is even bigger if the rejection is due to disproportionate action on your part.

When someone reject you, advise yourself that it does not mean you are meaningless. When you actually do something that is disagreeable or indiscreet, separate your action from your worth as an individual.

While discontent and opinion are uncomfortable, the trouble usually passes fairly quickly if you avoid crooked thinking and distract yourself with affirmative activities. 

So even though you may feel its aimless to begin, start an activity you have take pleasure in the past. If you observe yourself remembering the upsetting event or negative thought about it, divert your attention to more positive one.

Everyone judges you differently no matter how well or how bad you behave. Even when someone turns you down there are still people who will welcome you. Understand you.

You do not need approval of everyone you meet in order to be happy. Only your own thoughts can raise or lower your essence. Another persons approval or disapproval has no power to affect your character unless you believe what was said is true. No one can make you inferior without your consent.

(Credits to the owner of the pictures. I do not own copyright to the picture used in this blog-No Copyright Infringement Intended)